It's Hard Not To
by Chinsky
Summary: Zack just doesn't feel right with Summer, and she knows it. And--uh-oh, the secret that Zack's been perfecting since the 8th grade is suddenly out in the open. Slash, eventual FZ.


**It's Hard Not To** by CHINSKY

A/N: YUMMMYYY SLASSSHHH. Yeah, so that's what I was thinking the whole time I wrote this chapter. And even though there's no actual yummy slash, I didn't have a hard time imagining it in my head…So yeah, tell me what you think, it's kind of a rough start but oh well…Hopefully it will go somewhere and won't just sit here gathering dust like the rest of my fanfictions are.

ONWARDS!

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"Summer…I…I can't."

Summer Hathaway pulled away from 17-year-old Zack Mooneyham. They were lying on his bed making out. Or, rather, Summer was making out with Zack. Zack had been barely responsive the whole time. Now, as they—she, —were—was, —rolling into second base, Zack had told her to stop.

She glanced at his face. It was the best poker face Zack could give, but considering Zack couldn't lie for his life, that didn't mean very much.

"What's wrong?" She replied.

Zack just shrugged.

"Is it me?"

Zack's eyes widened. Even if he wasn't…well…_interested_ in Summer, he didn't want to hurt her feelings. "No! No way."

She raised her eyebrow, but kept asking, "Then is it you?"

Zack just shrugged, and managed a partial shake of his head.

"Well, is it someone else?"

"No!" Zack cried. But even as he spoke the truth to the words as he knew Summer meant them, his eyes lingered to his desk on the right of them. There _was_ someone else, but not in the way that Summer meant.

She caught him looking and followed his gaze.

The picture was one of Zack and Freddy in the 8th grade. It was from their semi-formal dance. Neither of them had been looking at the camera…Freddy had said something to embarrass Zack, a joke of sorts. Summer knew because Freddy was grinning like the Cheshire Cat, and Zack was the color of a stop sign with an embarrassed smile on his face. She also knew because she had taken the picture.

Zack now looked at Summer, as she still looked at the picture, eyes partially squinted and mouth half-open as she tried to put the pieces together.

She gazed back at him. She blinked twice, as Zack looked exactly the way he did in the picture. Face as red as a stop sign.

Summer rolled off of Zack and then off of the bed. She walked to the desk and picked up the picture once more. Zack was feeling mercifully tortured by her silence. He knew what she was figuring out, and it was the exact thing he had kept secret since the 8th grade, and the exact thing he didn't want _anybody_—especially one thought of as his _girlfriend_—to know.

He groaned and got up quickly; and once off the bed he grabbed the picture away from her so fast, she didn't even realize it wasn't in her hands anymore.

He threw open the desk drawer, shoved the picture in the way back, and slammed the door shut.

_1…2…_

He sighed at how pathetic he was, as he opened up the drawer again and took the picture back out. He stared at it quickly before setting it back down where it had stood earlier.

Summer faced Zack and took a step closer. The look on her face was no longer one of shock or surprise. It was now one that blatantly said, "I should've known sooner," etched with a small smirk. The smirk proved that she was not mad, but rather, intrigued by the idea.

The idea that Zack had a crush on Freddy.

Zack just stood there feeling utterly helpless. Summer took pity on him. It wasn't his fault that she was quick on her feet.

She finally spoke. "Zack…are you—"

"No." He cut off, even though with one look at his eyes, anybody could tell he was suffering a major internal battle. One that was warring over telling the truth, or lying some more.

Much to Zack's distress, Summer looked at his eyes. He almost looked as though he was going to cry, seeing as how she was picking up the puzzle pieces so fast and so easily that the secret he'd spend years protecting was starting to creep out into the open. Summer felt bad too. It was almost as if she felt she'd caused him to feel that way.

"Sorry," she said immediately, but both Zack and herself knew that it wasn't for asking the question. She was only apologizing because she already knew the answer.

"So, you like Freddy, huh." It was more of a statement then a question. Zack felt his cheeks blaze even more, even though he had thought that already near impossible.

"Sorry," Summer said again.

"No, it's not like it's your fault," Zack replied. He then continued in the quietest, smallest voice possible, "It's not your fault that you're right."

Summer's eyes widened a bit, but not enough to scare Zack away. She gave him a smile. A small, sweet smile, and Zack suddenly knew that Summer could be trusted.

He slumped onto the floor and crouched into a little ball, his back and head leaning against the wall.

"It's not like I ever _meant_ for it to happen," he said quietly.

Summer sat down next to him. "Of course not," she replied, accompanied by a small pat on the back.

He continued. "He's my best friend. It's not exactly _good_ that I like him. A lot. He's just so gosh darn pretty."

Summer chuckled softly, and the first time since before Summer kissed Zack that night, he smiled.

"This doesn't freak you out, does it?"

"No, no," Summer answered. "In fact, I'm happy. I thought the reason you wouldn't kiss me was because you thought I was an awful person or something like that."

"No way," Zack answered. She smiled. Suddenly, he was embarrassed again. He never meant to hurt her feelings. Their relationship in whole was pretty stupid, when he thought about it. He only asked Summer out because Freddy told him to, and Lord knows Zack could never deny Freddy of anything. He'd let Freddy rape him if he asked. Then again, that wouldn't be much of a punishment for Zack…

Zack rolled his eyes at himself, yet at the same time blushed heavily at the thought of Freddy molesting him. Once it was in his mind, he just couldn't get it out.

Summer nudged his cheek. "You're blushing again. What are you thinking?"

Zack just blushed harder. (There were times he thought this was a chronic disorder. He hated how often his face looked as though it would explode any minute.) "Nothing," Zack said quickly. Summer just laughed again.

"Hey…. Listen. Do you…ever plan on…doing anything about it?" Summer asked. Zack was about to answer when Summer made the mistake of looking at her watch.

"Shit!" She exclaimed. "I have to go. I'm about to be late for curfew."

Zack half-smiled. _About too_ Summer always _was_ an anal about being places on time…

She leapt up from where they were sitting, and Zack got up too. She was about to leave, and Zack didn't know exactly how to say goodbye in a way that would draw the evening to a proper close.

Thankfully, Summer covered it. She came close, and kissed him gently—on the cheek. "It was fun," she whispered, still close to his face. Zack felt a new wave of guilt and embarrassment come over him. He must've blushed again, because Summer just smiled. "Don't worry about it."

She picked up her bag, and was halfway out the door before Zack stopped her.

"Wait!" he cried. Summer turned.

"Yes?"

He smiled sheepishly. "Thanks, Summer. For…for being so cool and all. I, um…I really, uh, appreciate it." There, he'd said it.

Summer half-smiled again. "Don't mention it. Oh, and Zack…I'm always here to talk," she said, "in case you ever need it. You know my number."

Zack smiled back. "Thanks."

Summer just nodded and shut the door.

Very slowly, Zack walked back to his bed. He said down and stared at the picture of himself and Freddy for a very long time. In many ways, he was relieved. Relieved that he was free of Summer. Relieved that someone knew, and that that someone wasn't Freddy. Relieved, also, that she hadn't completely freaked out, or insulted him, as he knew some girls out there would.

So as he lie down across the bed, wanting to sleep, since sleep should've come very easily.

But it didn't. Because there was one thing on his mind. One question Summer asked that he didn't, --and probably never would, --know the answer to.

"_Do you…ever plan on…doing anything about it?"_

He fell asleep pondering the answer. The question haunted his dreams, along with the glowing brown eyes that were always there—the eyes of Freddy. The ones that he loved to see, the ones that he wanted to see everyday for the rest of his life. The eyes that bore down into the boy he was almost positive he was in love with.

Freddy.

_Freddy._

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A/N: Pleeeease review. I want to know what you all think. Later folks.


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